I refuse to begin with, “when I started this farm” because I do that too often.

…When I started this farm , I was in my late 40’s.

I embraced everything about the life.

I looked good in my Carhartt’s

I always dreamt about a day I could get up in the morning, put the same jeans on from the day before and head out for the days job. At a fairly young age (20’s) I professed this to one of my sisters. #nomussnofuss

10 years later, then approaching 60…

I hadn’t really noticed but I was aging. Once I began to notice, I couldn’t stop noticing. I was changing physically and emotionally. That’s what we do, I was told. I didn’t fit so well in my Carhartt’s anymore. The girl I had known in the mirror all my life wasn’t there. Who was I? Now I'm approaching my mid 60’s and I know a little more about the journey. It’s just about morphing! As the “morph” is taking place you have choices…what parts of who you’ve been shall you take on this next journey?

I struggled to accept the meaning of it all. I read and heard over and over, your not getting older, your getting better. I tried to wrap my arms around the idea of just letting it happen; waiting , watching and accept that I would be happy with the results. I know so many older women I admire that are just awesomely beautiful and it’s not about their physical beauty, it is their peace with who they are and the grace with which they carry themselves. I get that. I know it comes from our inner self. BUT, you’ve got to somehow lean into the morphosis that takes place and trust the ride. Just get in the boat and let the waters take you ? It’s the RAPIDS that scare me!

I knew I wasn’t feeling pretty. I also know the definition of “pretty” refers to the physical self… this was definitely more then just my physical being. I grasp and support the argument that too much emphasis is put on girls being “pretty”. Every female on this planet would/could/will approach this differently but for me I had to re-introduce some things in my life that made me feel “pretty” again. I just don’t know another way to say it. I knew I hadn’t been taking care of me. For me, it was the lack of “feminine” in my day to day. Shall we discuss what feminine means? I think not because again, that is so relative. I’d certainly been in nurturing, empathetic, sensitive and tender roles while being a sheep farmer. These are just a few of the traits that make women good farmers. These weren’t the feminine traits I was yearning for…it was more of the “pretty” girl stuff that I’d missed. Let’s be real girls (and guys), don’t we like dressing up occasionally?

A lot of female farmers out there will say they’re just fine in their farm work clothes , hair pulled back or short all the time for efficiency and their clunky farm boots. I see you! I get you! I’ve been there. I’ve done that! There will be others that know exactly what I mean!

One of the first things I did again was start painting my toenails! I love to see those toes and they’re bold “new” colors come out of a boot sock. There is something grand about a hard sweaty day and you sit down to pull those boots off your tired feet and out of the sock slides that reminder that you are a woman. A woman that can work hard, think hard and still be delicate. A woman that can be and do ANYTHING!